There comes a point in life when you have to stop trying to force things to happen and start learning how to trust God with the things you cannot control. I am learning that this applies to almost every area of our lives, whether it is relationships, personal growth, career advancements, opportunities, or the seasons we find ourselves walking through. Sometimes we become so focused on where we think we should be that we forget to appreciate where God has us right now. We begin questioning why certain relationships have not worked out, why certain opportunities have not opened, why our lives do not look the way we imagined, and why some of the things we have prayed for seem to take longer than expected.
I have had to learn that not everything requires my intervention, and not everything that I desire requires me to chase it. There is a difference between being intentional about your life and trying to control the outcome of it. I can pray for something, prepare myself for something, work toward something, and genuinely desire something without making myself responsible for forcing it to happen. I can love someone without trying to control whether they stay. I can desire a relationship without allowing my relationship status to determine my worth. I can work toward professional achievements without becoming discouraged because someone else reached a milestone before I did. I can celebrate other people’s accomplishments while trusting that my own journey is unfolding in its own time.
One of the most important lessons I am learning is that releasing something does not mean I never wanted it, and it does not mean I have stopped caring. Sometimes releasing something means acknowledging that I have done everything within my ability, and the rest belongs to God. I am learning to surrender relationships, expectations, timelines, opportunities, and even the versions of my future that I once imagined. If something is meant to be part of my journey, I trust God to bring it back in the right way and at the right time. If it does not return, I have to trust that God is still capable of writing a beautiful story without it.
Learning to Stop Measuring My Life Against Someone Else’s Timeline
One of the easiest ways to become discouraged is to measure your life against the achievements of other people. We look around and see people getting married, purchasing homes, advancing in their careers, starting families, launching businesses, traveling, and reaching milestones that we may have been praying about for years. Although we can genuinely be happy for them, there are moments when we quietly wonder when it will be our turn.
I think it is important to acknowledge that those feelings can exist without allowing them to become the foundation of how we see ourselves. There is nothing wrong with desiring marriage, wanting a family, pursuing a promotion, purchasing a home, or dreaming about a different financial situation. Those desires do not make us ungrateful for what we currently have. However, we have to be careful not to turn the things we have not accomplished into evidence that we are somehow falling behind.
Maybe you are still single while your friends are celebrating anniversaries. Maybe you are still renting while someone you know just purchased their first home. Perhaps you are working in a position that does not reflect your potential while watching other people receive promotions and professional recognition. Maybe you are rebuilding after a relationship ended, recovering from a financial setback, or trying to figure out what direction your life should take next.
Whatever your circumstances may be, I want to encourage you to stop treating your current season as a punishment for not having reached another milestone.
Your life is not less meaningful because it looks different from someone else’s. Your journey does not lose its value because it is taking a different route. Sometimes we become so consumed with the destination that we overlook the preparation, maturity, wisdom, and spiritual growth that God is developing within us along the way.
I am learning that I do not need to force my life to look like someone else’s in order to feel accomplished. I can be grateful for the season I am in while still believing God for the things I desire.
When I Need Perspective, I Return to Ruth
Whenever I find myself struggling with comparison, uncertainty, or the temptation to believe that I am somehow behind, I find myself returning to my Bible and spending time in the book of Ruth.
There is something about Ruth’s story that reminds me that a difficult season does not have to become the final definition of our lives. Ruth experienced loss, uncertainty, and a future that looked nothing like what she may have originally imagined. After the death of her husband, she found herself navigating widowhood and an unfamiliar future. She could have remained in the place of her loss, but instead, she made a decision to move forward with Naomi.
Ruth 1:16 reminds us of her commitment to Naomi, when she declared that Naomi’s people would become her people and Naomi’s God would become her God. Her decision was significant because she was choosing faithfulness and commitment during a season when she had every reason to feel uncertain about what came next.
When Ruth arrived in Bethlehem, she did not immediately step into a life of comfort or recognition. She went into the fields to glean what was left behind by the harvesters. She was working, making the most of what was available to her, and doing what she needed to do to move forward. What she may have viewed as an ordinary opportunity to provide for herself, Naomi became part of a much greater story.
That is one of the things I love about Ruth’s story. She was not sitting around waiting for her circumstances to change before she decided to live. She moved forward with what she had, remained faithful through uncertainty, and continued working within the season she was given.
And then there was Boaz.
Boaz noticed Ruth. He recognized her character, her faithfulness, and her commitment to Naomi. Ruth was not invisible, even though she was living through circumstances that could have made her feel overlooked. God was working through the ordinary details of her life, bringing her into a place of provision, favor, and ultimately redemption.
Ruth eventually married Boaz, and their family became part of the lineage of King David and, generations later, Jesus Christ. Her story reminds us that what appears to be a setback in one chapter does not mean the entire story has been written.
What Ruth experienced was not simply a story about finding a husband. It was a story about faithfulness, provision, courage, obedience, and redemption. Her identity and purpose were not limited to the loss she experienced.
That is why I find myself returning to her story when I need to be reminded that my current circumstances are not the conclusion of my life.
What My Journal Reminds Me About Singleness and Purpose
One of the things that has helped me process these seasons is returning to the journal I wrote, I’m Not Behind: Messages to a Single Woman’s Heart. Sometimes the very words we write to encourage someone else become the words we need to revisit when life requires us to practice what we have been teaching.
In Week 3 of my journal, I focus on the understanding that singleness is not a setback. The affirmation for that week is:
“My singleness has a sacred purpose.”
I love this affirmation because it challenges the idea that being single means something is missing from your life. It reminds me that singleness is not an unfinished version of marriage, and it is not a waiting room where life is placed on hold until someone comes along.
There is purpose in this season. There is room to develop spiritually, emotionally, personally, and professionally. There are opportunities to discover who you are, strengthen your relationship with God, pursue your interests, build meaningful friendships, and become intentional about the life you are creating.
On page 54 of I’m Not Behind: Messages to a Single Woman’s Heart, I wrote:
“Ruth’s story shows that singleness and loss are not the end of our story.”
I find that statement especially meaningful because it connects Ruth’s experience to something much bigger than relationship status. Her story reminds us that loss does not cancel purpose, and a season of uncertainty does not mean that God has stopped working.
Although Ruth eventually married Boaz, her value was never dependent upon that marriage. Her faithfulness, character, and willingness to move forward were evident before Boaz entered her story.
I think we need to apply that same understanding to our lives today. We cannot allow our desire for love to become the reason we overlook the purpose of our present season. We cannot allow the absence of a relationship to make us believe that we are less valuable, less accomplished, or less worthy of experiencing a beautiful life.
And this lesson extends beyond relationships.
Perhaps your setback is professional. You have applied for positions, attended interviews, worked hard, and still have not received the advancement you hoped for. Perhaps you have been working toward financial independence, trying to purchase a home, or building a business that has not grown as quickly as you expected. Maybe you have experienced disappointment after disappointment, and you are beginning to question whether your efforts are making a difference.
Ruth’s story reminds us that we can continue showing up in the season we are in without allowing that season to define our entire future.
You can be single and still build a meaningful life. You can be rebuilding financially and still be successful in other areas. You can be waiting for a professional opportunity while continuing to develop your skills. You can experience loss and still have something beautiful ahead of you.
Your current chapter deserves to be lived, not merely survived while waiting for the next one.
Learning to Work With What God Has Placed in My Hands
When I find myself in a moment of weakness, I have learned that I need to redirect my attention. Instead of spending hours thinking about what I cannot change, I open my Bible, revisit the story of Ruth, and spend time working through my journal.
There is something powerful about putting your thoughts on paper and allowing Scripture to challenge the way you see yourself and your circumstances. Journaling gives me an opportunity to be honest about what I am feeling, identify where I may be holding on too tightly, and reflect on what God is teaching me through the season.
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am allowed to want more for my life without being dissatisfied with everything I currently have. I am allowed to desire companionship while appreciating my independence. I am allowed to pursue professional advancement while being grateful for the employment I have today. I am allowed to dream about future accomplishments without making my present circumstances feel like a failure.
There is a difference between having expectations and surrendering your peace to those expectations.
I do not want to become so focused on what has not happened that I miss what God is doing right now. I do not want to spend so much time trying to control the future that I fail to appreciate the opportunities, lessons, relationships, and experiences available to me today.
I want to become a woman who can pursue her dreams without being consumed by them, love without losing herself, wait without becoming discouraged, and release without feeling defeated.
That is what trusting God is teaching me.
If It Is For Me, I Trust God With the Return
I have come to understand that sometimes the hardest part of faith is releasing something without knowing what will happen next.
It is easy to say that we trust God when everything is going according to plan. It becomes a different kind of faith when we have to surrender a relationship we hoped would work, an opportunity we thought was meant for us, or a timeline we spent years imagining.
But I am learning that I do not have to know how everything will unfold to trust the One who holds my future.
If a relationship is meant to be part of my life, I do not have to manipulate circumstances to make it happen. If an opportunity is right for me, I do not have to compromise my values or abandon my peace to obtain it. If an achievement is part of my journey, I can continue preparing, working, and growing while trusting God with the outcome.
And if something does not return, I can trust that my life still has purpose beyond what I lost.
This does not mean that I sit back and do nothing. Ruth still went into the fields. She still worked. She still made decisions. She still moved forward. Faith does not remove our responsibility to participate in our own lives. Instead, it teaches us to do our part while trusting God with what is beyond our control.
I want to be intentional about the life I am building, but I no longer want to force the things I cannot control. I want to make room for God’s direction, even when it looks different from what I originally imagined.
Perhaps that is what this season is teaching me most: I can release what I cannot control without releasing my hope for what is possible.
A Reminder for the Woman Who Feels Like She Is Falling Behind
If you are reading this and finding yourself somewhere between what you hoped your life would look like and what it currently looks like, I want you to take a moment and give yourself some grace.
You are not behind because you are still single. You are not behind because you have not received the promotion. You are not behind because you are rebuilding after a difficult season. You are not behind because your dreams are taking longer than you expected.
Do not allow someone else’s milestones to become the measurement of your own progress.
There is still so much life to experience, so much purpose to discover, and so much room for God to work in your story. Continue preparing for the things you are praying for. Continue developing the gifts God has placed within you. Continue showing up for yourself, making wise decisions, and trusting Him with the areas of your life that you cannot control.
And when you have a difficult day, return to the Word. Read Ruth again. Write down what you are feeling. Revisit the promises that remind you who you are and whose you are.
Sometimes the greatest advancement in your life is not a new job, a new relationship, or a major accomplishment. Sometimes it is the personal growth that allows you to stop chasing what is not yours, recognize your worth, and find peace in trusting God.
I am learning to embrace my journey, appreciate my present, and release my expectations into God’s hands. I do not have every answer, and I do not know exactly how every part of my story will unfold, but I am learning that I do not need to force the ending when God is still writing the chapters.
I am not behind. I am growing, learning, becoming, and trusting God along the way.
And so are you.
If This Message Spoke to Your Heart
If this blog connected with you, especially if you are navigating singleness, waiting for love, rebuilding after loss, or learning to embrace your own journey, I want to encourage you to spend some intentional time with my journal, I’m Not Behind: Messages to a Single Woman’s Heart.
I created this Scripture-led journal to encourage single women to look beyond their relationship status and recognize the purpose, identity, and value God has placed within them. Through Scripture, reflection, and intentional journaling, each week provides an opportunity to examine your heart, strengthen your faith, and develop a healthier understanding of your season.
You can also explore the companion I’m Not Behind: Messages to a Single Woman’s Heart Affirmation Journal, created to help you incorporate faith-filled affirmations into your everyday life and remind yourself of the truth of God’s Word.
Both journals are available on sale through Amazon.
You do not have to wait until you are in a relationship to begin living intentionally. You do not have to wait until every dream comes together to recognize the beauty of your life today. Start where you are, invite God into the process, and allow Him to remind you that your story is still unfolding.
Because you are not behind. Your singleness has a sacred purpose, your journey has meaning, and God is not finished writing your story.
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